Don't believe everything you think

There are many habits that I have changed over the past few years. Some of them, like smoking or junk food were bad for my body, others were bad for my mind, like judging or interpreting what other people say or twisting their words to justify the fact why I didn't like them.

Well, getting rid of bad habits could have the side effect of getting some good, but strange habits. One of those habits I've picked up is not being able to keep my mouth shut when I'm in an elevator with another person or sitting next to someone on the bus. A few years ago I couldn't even open my mouth when I was at a meeting, so this is a very weird behavior for me. The reactions I get are varied but mostly positive. From the "what's wrong with you?" look to the "what, are you really talking to me?!?" response, I've covered it all.

Two weeks ago in London, I got the "What? Are you really talking to me?!?" response. After Joe Dispenza's Progressive workshop in London, I went shopping on the Oxford Street and then took the tube to Heathrow Airport when I met Kenny. I looked closely at everyone and there was not a single person without a smartphone in their hand. Except for him and me. So I asked him if he wanted some gum and an interesting conversation unfolded. In fact, we had more than one interesting conversation we were communicating. And, when do we actually communicate?

When the people involved are genuinely interested in understanding each other without exercising power.

We notice immediately when someone is already making up his or her answers in their head without really listening, or when they convey a sense of apathy toward the conversation. On the other hand, we notice that we adapt when the other person thinks the same way we do, by rephrasing and reflecting our feelings. In that moment, we feel understood and appreciated and are more than happy to open up.

I found the conversation I had with Kenny between Oxford Circus and Heathrow to be very valuable to me and I'm glad I didn't miss it!

Unfortunately, we usually miss the opportunity to meet someone we could be on the same page with. Not because we don't want to, but because the fear of being rejected is greater than the desire to find someone who understands us and vice versa. The good news is that the fear of rejection is an illusion. Your brain doesn't want you to be happy, it wants you to be safe. So every time you're ready to try something new, it would pop up a "worst case scenario" in your mind to keep you from doing it. The best example I can think of is with dieting. Let's say you want to lose some weight. You need to change the way you eat, the way you exercise, and the way you sleep. Change! Change! Change! During the day, you're okay. You've managed to drink a healthy smoothy for breakfast, then you grab a healthy salad, and you even manage to take the stairs instead of the elevator. By the time you're lying on the couch in the evening, your brain has already noticed that you want to make a change and says, "Come on, you don't look bad. You have heavy bones. Look how hungry you are, start tomorrow! If you want to try something new, your brain has no synapse for it and cannot predict what will happen. No synapse means no prediction, so the situation could go horribly wrong. It must help you survive.

That's why you should stop believing everything you hear in yourhead.

Once we understand the science behind the fear of making a change or the fear of rejection, we lose the fear of making ourselves vulnerable. Consequently, we will never again miss an opportunity for a great conversation that would potentially lead to a great friendship. And, even if you get the "what's wrong with you?" look every now and then, don't think of it as rejection. You're just not on the same wavelength with that person because you may be broadcasting on different frequencies. So what? It's much more important to beat that sabotaging voice in your head and to take every opportunity to bring valuable conversations and people into your life. Just do it!